Wednesday 5 February 2014

February 4th Pass The Napalm Please

OK this photo isn't very clear. But with two of my biggest enemies lurking within, believe me I was not going to get up close and personal to give you, my audience, the advantage of a great shot.

Cockroaches are vile, hideous and make my skin crawl. I have had a giant one land on me in Papua New Guinea - I am sure the cursing and screaming could be heard all the way to the Northern Hemisphere. Family and close friends are well aware of how creepy crawlies find their way to invade my personal comfort zone. Extremely large tropical spiders, another spider in Australia that bit me which required a hospital visit to Emergency. Unfortunately I stomped on the spider so hard the hospital could not identify it, so I had to stay in the Emergency Department for several hours. Geckos liking my leg, an unidentified large flying black creature landed on my arm in a 5star hotel restaurant in Fiji. You name it, they have attacked me.

In the last few years I have notice these malignant pieces of nature, ie large black cockroaches, have started turning up with regularity in my home. Supposedly from Gisborne, they have somehow navigated their way to the Waikato. How do we personally combat them? We nuke the bastards. Well not to the full extent but every three months we let off bombs in the home.

This isn't always 100% perfect. I can sense one of these vile creatures the minute I walk in a room. With George away from home last week, I was sure one would decide to enter my enclave. Yes sure enough it did, but he made the mistake of staying too long as by the time I got to him - he was flat on his back, his vile legs waving in the air, gasping his final breath. I could almost hear the words 'I'm dying, I'm dying, please let my last moments on this earth be treasured'  So I decided to give him a little wash.I grabbed him with a hunk of toilet paper (embalming anyone?) and proceeded to flush him down the toilet to drains unknown. Begone you black beast.

So can you imagine how I felt today? Studiously working at my desk, sending Mr A to B and Mrs B to C etc at the least possible cost.  I needed to rest my eyes and took a moment to breathe in the glorious colours in abundance in our garden. Eyes up to check the temperature on our outdoor weather thermometer - and what did I spy? Not one, but two of these vile creatures.They had the gall to invade MY weather thermometer - which isn't quite accurate anymore and now I know why!

Hence my need for Napalm. A little Agent Orange wouldn't hurt them would it? Although the neighbours on the other side of the fence may not be so grateful

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