Monday, 31 December 2012

December 31st Raspberries to 2012

Let's get ready to blow Raspberries to 2012
Another year we are about to shelve
2013 I hope will improve
and give us all time to get in the groove
I wish you and yours a Happy New Years
Full of love and laughter and 'happiness' tears
And if for any reason you don't comply
I will be there to kick arse and asking why!!

ps Two raspberries were harmed in this photographic opportunity
they were from our garden and now reside in my internal community


December 30th Beetle, Beetlejuice

Xmas has bitten the dust
It's not my birthday so no need for fuss
George came home with this present for me
to add to our VW family

Sunday, 30 December 2012

December 29th A Visual Anomaly

This photo is deceiving
as it would have you believing
that the day was grey and cold in every way
a day to rug up and inside stay

But I kid you not, that wasn't the truth
Look at my next photo, and yes I said struth
Having walked Minnie and sweating a tad
This was the temperature that we had

Saturday, 29 December 2012

December 28th Ahhhhhh....10.....Shun !

I spotted with my own two eyes
in our garden these Birds of Paradise
Standing guard every which way
in Black and White they seemed to say
Over there is clear with nothing in sight
But we need some colour, it's dark tonight

Thursday, 27 December 2012

December 26th Relaxing and Chillaxing

December 26th in New Zealand is a public holiday and Boxing Day is it's name
After a chaotic lead up to Xmas, a day of rest is the name of the game
Thank god for self cleaning ovens and all signs of grease are gone
Serving dishes to be put away, sparkling and clean, with nothing to put upon.
Time for some nibbles and feet up in front of the TV
and look my two darlings have fallen asleep, don't you see!

Wednesday, 26 December 2012

December 24th and 25th I hope Everyones Xmas was Like Mine xx

Just to be beary beary sure
The Santa Guard (and Mickey) stayed up on Christmas Eve Night
To make sure Santa was not interrupted
and to make sure our eyes weren't corrupted

And here we are on Christmas Day night
Feet are up and watching Smurfs with a tired sigh
A wonderful day with family here
I love my family and am lucky they are near 

Monday, 24 December 2012

December 23rd Jealous much?

Look Monty, I know I said you could come over,
hang out and chill until the Xmas lights come on,
but that does not mean
to my Dad you belong!!

Yours faithfully, Minnie

Sunday, 23 December 2012

December 22nd Magic Mushrooms

Ha, now that title got your attention didn't it? I am not referring to the mushrooms that allow you to have a trip without leaving the farm - not that I live on farm or know if that is what they would do.
I am referring to my special Mushroom recipe, that doesn't keep you in the dark and feed you shite!

I thought it time I treated you to a verbal diatribe and Mushrooms are the topic. I was wondering how to combine both a huge Pork roast and a Leg of Lamb roast, both at the same time, in the oven,  What does that have to do with Mushrooms? Absolutely nothing, but there is a link believe me.

Back to the enigma of the roasts. A friend suggested we do one roast in a hooded BBQ (watch out, over there - there's a bbq in the hood, or under the hood!!).  I thought what a wonderful idea. Then I realised that our BBQ was in urgent need of an upgrade. It's hood had definitely seen better days - and like me it was tending to get a bit rusty and crusty.

So it was a case of:
 Hi Ho, Hi Ho,
 a BBQ Shopping let's go
Mitre 10's over there 
and maybe Bunnings if you care
Hi Ho Hi Ho
Till we saw 4 Seasons.  and that is the reason we purchased a super duper, kick arse mooper wooper Broil King BBQ. Whose specifications I won't go into here, but believe me a leg of Lamb will be  great, and as for steaks and veg we just can't wait.

So to introduce our new BBQ to the hood, and for us to try under the hood a BBQ dinner was called for. Steak etc, etc etc and this is where my Magic Mushrooms come in.  To see how good the new BBQ compared, we decided against being fancy schmancy and stuck to our tried and true recipes to see how they compare.

I purchase Portobello Mushrooms and stuff them with my Magic mixture. That is finely chopped up mushroom caps, breadcrumbs, mayonnaise and dukkah. Place that into the mushroom, and top with grated cheese and a dusting of smoked paprika. Place on a BBQ plate, hood down (all cooking on this Broil King BBQ is done with the hood down -  no gang patches allowed).

Here are the mushrooms before they were bbq'd. I should have taken a photo of the finished product - but everything looked so enticing and the flesh is weak, so we ate them.  If anyone has any other ideas for stuffing mushrooms, please let me know!

Saturday, 22 December 2012

December 21 The March Of The Santas

Oh No!!

The Santas threatened to walk and go on strike
Unless they received a pay hike
they donned black glasses to hide their look
but believe me I was not mistook

No more music, no more surfing they cried
We do this every night and we are tired
Would you please give us a bloody rest
We really need to get this off our little red chest
Tell the kiddies we are stooked and stuffed
because we really have had enough

I sniffed and said you can't do that
the kiddies will think I am a grumpy old bat
come on, there's only a few sleeps to go
then you can rest and take it slow!!

OK they said but you had better share
some candy canes with us that will be fair
and don't forget the reindeers too
but no chocolate, that makes them poo!!

Friday, 21 December 2012

December 20th Oh Dear

Oh Dear
It's that time of the year when one can feel deer-flated
Your sensory overload can be inflated
This poor old deer is feeling flat
standing all day can do that

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

December 19th Santa's stuck up a tree!!

As I was heading out into the garden
I heard a voice whisper I beg your pardon
I then spied Santa up our palm tree
giggling cos a leaf was in his nose and very tickly

In astonishment I asked  how long have you been there
He growled, long enough to look like an anorexic bear
Can you tell me when the coast is clear
and help me down so I can get out of here!

With an evil cackle I said do you think I would come to your aid
you look quite cute up there so don't be afraid
I will ring Mrs Claus and say don't you see
Santa has decided to stay here in NZ with me

Dec 18th Santas just a hangin...

These Santa's are just a hanging
waiting for the big boy to tell them when they will be a banging
The big lad has to have some help don't you know
And reindeers can sometimes be adverse to mistletoe
The big day is getting nearer
Seven sleeps couldn't be any more clearer

Monday, 17 December 2012

Dec 16th A Droll Toilet Roll

Todays post is quite droll
because it's about the humble toilet roll
As you know ladies when they pee
have to use toilet paper,
a fact that isn't just between you and me.

So in our house I am the chief changer of the roll
but karma appears to have taken it's toll
for near on three months now George has wondered why
everytime he is in that room,  he has to change the three ply
I say its just chance and a matter of fate
He says I am conniving and for the right moment I wait!!

Sunday, 16 December 2012

Dec 14th and 15th Sleeping Beauty came to stay

As you know at Xmas time, life can be a frazzle,
with lights everywhere, vistors who care,
and our light display which actually does dazzle

Asked to babysit this little sleeping beauty,
Is without a doubt never a duty,
dinner with us and she ate without a fuss
then welcomed visitors who came to see the lights and us

And at the end of night it was time to keep in touch
with the sleep fairy and Havana said yes I would like to sleep very much
Well Minnie said hey I sleep on this bed too
And here are our sleeping beauties times two
saying to sleep fairies how do you do?
(Dec 14th)

Poppa George look at my fingernails
Nana Irene painted them while she told me fairy tales
And now I just need to show you
do you think we could do yours too?

OK you won't but will you sit with me
and watch Tinkerbell on the TV
then can Nana play her Musical Santas for me because she can,
before Mummy & Daddy pick me up 
- now that sounds a plan!
(December 15th)

Friday, 14 December 2012

December 13th, Christmas lights at night

Christmas lights at night
are always a beautiful sight
when we finally get to sit at end of day
this is part of our lounge display
A Xmas tree twinkling merrily
and everything looking so pretty

Thursday, 13 December 2012

December 12th The Rise of the Instant Noodles

Yes, it was the 12th of December and with 12 sleeps to go
Just as well the Mayans weren't dyslexic, we are still here as you know
Visitors calling in to see our Christmas lights
Is just one of this month's many highlights

But every now and then I feel like I have been run over by a bus
and providing meals some nights, really does make me cuss
That is when instant noodles are a hit
Sorry to be blunt, but some nights I don't give a shit

Wednesday, 12 December 2012

December 11th - A Rose by Any Other Name

A Rose called by any other name
You have to admit, it just doesn't sound the same
this one is called Loving Memory
in memory of first my Mum,
and now joined by the other one.
Planted in our garden because it is dear
and makes departed ones still feel near

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

December 10th A Wedding Anniversary

On the 10th George bought these for me
as it was our seventh Wedding Anniversary
then we went out for tea,
or dinner if you are from a certain family
A meal that was so divine
I forgot to take a photo, of all of these that were mine!

Sunday, 9 December 2012

December 8th A Feijoa Blossom for my lil Possums

I have a confession which makes me blush
I can't tell the difference between a Pohutakawa and a Bottle Brush
But this red flower is a go-er
because it belongs to a Feijoa
This fruit is unique to New Zealand, don't you see
I guess you could say the same about me!

Saturday, 8 December 2012

Friday, 7 December 2012

December 6th No Man Hates a Snow Man

Last night I did happen to spy
our rather large Snowman rambling by
Hey you, I called, where do you think you are going
Fork off he said, I want to find where it is snowing

Come back here I said, we need you to bring joy
to every visiting girl and boy

He replied, with a visible sneer,
 do you think I really care
when every night you fill me up with lots of hot air
and then when it rains you leave me out here !

Thursday, 6 December 2012

Wednesday, 5 December 2012

December 4th - And The World Has Gone Mad

Or so it appears. At one time you could rely upon 'Professionals' to be just that. The fact that they are more relaxed these days isn't a bad thing. But I am wondering if they are leaning too far to the other end of the spectrum?

My first case in point is "He who used to be be called My Accountant' (in a reverent, hushed tone).  OK he wasn't the type of person I would normally socialise with and definitely not a person to joke with, but he was 'My Accountant'. Or he was until things started to go bad. As I am self employed, a GST (Goods & Services Tax and we won't go there) return has to be filed every two months. The holier than thou 'My Accountant' or rather his staff, filed these on my behalf. At the beginning of the month I would receive notification that this was due and asked to forward my invoices pronto. One month, I didn't receive this notification and had to chase them - the staff member apologised, and then I had to chase them again as I was sure tax had to be paid and I had received no notification. When it comes to the Tax Department, you don't fart, you don't breathe - you just pay up on time or else (I presume the 'or else' entails men in black suits and sunglasses dragging you away to dark tax dungeons).  So I chased 'My Accountant' up - and a staff member gave me the amount to be paid and just in the nick of time.  Two months later the scenario was repeated. I thought mmmm I am not dealing with the lackeys this time, I am heading to the top. To he who is mightier than thou, and to let him know what is going on.. with the added punchline in my email that if I received any penalties, hey buddy you are going to pay not me.  Well quicker than a prostitute can drop her drawers, I received a reply email telling me to pull my head in, I was lucky they were providing this service to me and they would not tolerate being told off.

Umm, ehhhh? Actually to be honest, my response was WTF!!! I pay you a lot of money for this. Time to find a new 'My Accountant' who is doing very nicely thank you, and at half the price. And so to you who used to be 'My Accountant' go suck raspberries, when they are green and hard and covered in bird poop.

That was on the Accountancy side of things. Now let's move on to the Medical side of things.

I had occasion to see my very lovely GP. He hasn't seen me with my very bright, very colourful full head of hot pink coloured hair before. The world is such a dull place, so if my follicles can brighten someone's day - why not!

Well he wanted to know the colour, how he could get it (I told him he would have to grow some hair first as he is extremely follicly challenged)  and all the medical centre staff were then paraded in to admire my hair.  I then had to regale him with some current medical woes (ingrown toe nails can be  a right bitch - ok it was haemmorhoids, but that is a pile of shite as well) and what I had experienced at the hands of a Specialist. Who supposedly is even mightier than the mightier than thou Accountant. To be spoken of in a hushed tone as well - or so I used to think.

My darling GP decided the way I told my tale was extremely funny, and told me this would all be related at his next Doctor's meeting (by the way, do you think that's the equivalent of Alcoholics Anonymous... Hello, my name is Doctor Spock and today I accidentally prescribed Viagra to a 96 year old virgin), He then brought in the 'Big Kahuna' of the Medical practice as she was stressed and needed a laugh. We finished our consultation with him giving me a big hug and some little blue pills. Ha gotcha - you thought they were Viagra didn't you!! Nope, they are my little happy sleepy pills for a once a week, out of this world, good sleep. Does your Doctor hug you? This wasn't in a sleazy way, but just a ha, you made me laugh and I want to thank you for it, hug.

And now just when you thought the world couldn't get any madder. Look at Santa!!  He has just done gone and got himself upside down, and every which way but the right way. I came home and found him like this.  What is happening to this world!!

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

December 3rd - Where was George Clooney?

I am not normally much of a 'sweat-er'
but must admit I did when I chanced upon this Weta
Thank Goodness he was outside not in
But I am sure the neighbours heard me make a small din
Creepy Crawlies appear to be attracted to me
Why oh why, couldn't it be George Clooney!!

Monday, 3 December 2012

December 2nd - Angels on Earth

An angel was heard to sigh
as she quietly whispered, I wonder why
Christmas is here which should be full of good cheer
But people look harassed and stressed everywhere

Let us take a moment to reflect on what we enjoy
not in possessions, but what gives us joy
Being with family, friends and those we love
Enjoy the sunshine when it comes from above

With every breath you take, give a big smile
The reactions you get. will make it worthwhile

©Irene Field 2012

Sunday, 2 December 2012

December 1st, 2012 - Merry Christmas

Lights are a glowing
and friendship is flowing
Xmas 2012 is here
Let us hope it is full of love and good cheer

Saturday, 1 December 2012

November 30th The Candy Cane Can

What tells you Xmas is around the corner
And there's tinsel on all the fauna
What can make your teeth crunch
As you go to take a munch

Oh the Candy Cane can
Yes the Candy Cane can

You take a bite and there's no respite
When the Candy Cane can